Being one of ten children in a family is never an easy thing. It isn't so much of a sibling rivalry issue than it is a competition for love and acceptance. Especially when you father worked night and day to feed and clothe such a large brood!
I am pretty good at doing a lot of things. I'm a decent writer, a fair artist, and I play the guitar better than the average picker. But I was never the best in my family at anything. There was always another that excelled, and so I was always relegated to the shadows on anonymity.
But children grow up, and as an adult, I started to paint with a little more enthusiasm. In the late 1980's I developed a pretty good technique with watercolors, and began to produce about one painting a week.
It was during this period that I began to hand paint my parent's Christmas Card each year. It started with a painting of our family home in the North Hills of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania,
Each succeeding year brought a new challenge of choosing a subject suitable for the painting of the card. Many years I would paint a dozen or so before I hit upon the one that I thought was good enough to gently place in the envelope and send it on it's merry way. Deciding was agony, because I wanted to do a great job and have one thing that was a little different and that stood out from the rest of the tribe.
And to my surprise at first, but less and less each year, no mention was ever made of the carefully crafted Christmas cards. I always hoped to myself, that some kind of fuss would be made over the technique or the design or even the color choices. Surely, when the card arrived, there had to be some observation of the fact that it was a hand painted watercolor designed just for them.
And surely, each year that must have been the one card that they looked forward to the most! After all, I just didn't run out and purchase it, it came from the depths of my soul and was an outpouring of my creative expression of love for them. However, any response would be left to the realm of my imagination, as no reaction was ever verbalized.
And so I went on with my annual ritual, satisfied in the knowledge that I was doing this as much for me as I was for them. For once the tradition had been started, there was no turning back.
In 1995 Dad became very ill with cancer. It was determined to be terminal, but he wanted all of us to continue on as if nothing had changed. He spent much more time getting treatments, and a lot less quality time with the family as the disease progressed to its inevitable conclusion.
When dad passed away in November of 1995, we all went back to the house after the funeral. Dad had a room in which he kept his special things. It was suggested that we look though the items in the room to see if there was anything we wanted to keep as a memento.
I began looking through all of the papers, and though some stacks of books, when I discovered a little shoebox. Inside was a stack of hand painted Christmas cards, lovingly set aside and stored together, safe from being discarded and carefully preserved.
It was then I realized the fact that although nothing was ever said to me about the cards, it made no difference whatsoever. The cards had been treasured all along. And the fact that I didn't think that they were appreciated was my own shortcoming, not theirs.
Acceptance does not require verbalization; it comes from deep within the spirit and allays all of our apprehensions and misgivings. Our gifts must stand on their own merits, and our acceptance is within our own grasp, and is there for the taking!
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So nice! It is crazy how people clutch and treasure the strangest things. Make more!
Richard,
What an awesome story... Congrats on coming from a family of ten. I also have the pleasure of growing up in a large household.
I am sure your cards were appreciated very much every year...sometimes people forget to say anything. It is wonderful your dad kept his memories for you to find.
You are special to us!
Ann
A couple Christmas's ago, I gave my brother 3 wood bowls he had made in shop class over 30 years ago. He had thought they had bit the dust bin somewhere long ago. But I had saved them...He was so thrilleds. I still have drawings from my daughters art class in high school. Someday I will have them framed and give to her.
I think it is sometimes hard to tell those we love exactly how we feel. I know that I have struggled with it many times. I love your beautiful story. :)
Richard, the sentimental side of your father came out in the end even if you didn't know about it all along. Kindness is never wasted. Keep putting it out in the world.
Funny how we always seem to need verbalization of feelings, isn't it? I mean, does he love me less because he doesn't say it? No.
~Kathy
This is such a special post. I know that day was a blessing for you. Thank you for sharing such a tender moment with us. I'm so glad you know how much you were loved. ~GBU~
Richard... One child or two dozen... I know your parents loved each of you immensly. Finding that shoebox had to have opened a floodgate of emotion. Heck, just reading it moved me. Merry Christmas my friend.
What a wonderful story, although it didn't seem that way, at the time, to you. A good reminder we too often look to others for our validation when we don't need to do so.
Randall...
Oddly enough, I only paint every ten years or so!
Ann...
I always appreciate kind words like that. Goodness knows that in these tumultuous times we need to really on each other for strength!
Sherry...
I think everyone loves validation. But you have made me think. I wonder what happened to that chess board I made in shop class?
That's a great message Richard. I'm glad you were able to learn how much your gesture meant to your father.
Stacey-Ann...
Yes, it was hard for me to finish writing the post ... a lot of emotion swelled up!
Richard, I am crying. This was the sweetest, most touching post you've ever written. I can see you as a little boy, hope and love shining on your handsome little face. I have no doubt that these painted Christmas cards were the very best gifts your parents received. These things are the true spirit of Christmas. I love you, I really do, which surprises me since we've never met and we've never spoken on the phone. But through your writing, I've learned that you are an ace among men, Richard. I'm sure your daughter and your lovely wife appreciate the fine heart you have. Merry Christmas.
Susan...
Reading your comment made me tear up too! I love you too, but I think we both have an underlying fear that if we ever met in person, the spell might be broken. So we are relegated to being pen-pals but in the best possible way. Merry Christmas to you are your family!
BTW I have posted some pics of "Little Richard" on FaceBook."
No Richard! When meet at the big pajama party, I'm sure I will love you just as much in person as I do here! I'll go over to facebook after my lunch today to see Little Richard! Can't wait!
This is a beautiful story and I am glad you shared it with us. Your parents obviously did a great job.
Some of the best statements in this life are made without saying a single word.
Richard, what a beautiful story. You are an amazing artist and not only were you accepted; you were honored. Funny how we seek validation and think that no one notices but what treasures you were creating for your family. Merry Christmas!
Richard: This is a great story, and a very personal one. It is funny the things we learn when a loved one passes away. Things we never would have known when they were alive. Who knows why.
I'm glad that your father treasured those Christmas cards and kept them safe. Your many gifts were returned to you multi-fold the day you found that box.
Gosh Richard if you had warned me I would have gotten up and gotten my box of puffs plus. What a sweet story.
Mel...
I know they had a big job, that's for sure!
JL..
Agreed! Simple as that!
Cristal...
I'm glad you enjoyed the post! It was harder to write that I thought it would be!
Acceptance is a really important thing, even when we say it's not. I am the oldest and blessed with mnany talents. My siblings used to hate for that. I think they got over it. Last year I recieved a lot of coal from them as Christmas presents. It worked really well in the furnace...yup, they got over it!
Richard, this is an exceptional story of love. You ARE a gifted writer, and a darn good artist to boot! Thank you for sharing this personal and heartwarming story.
A fan,
Debi
Susan...
Just don't over expect! I'm just a regular middle aged man in person!
Chris Ann...
It makes for an interesting story, and the fact that it is true makes it better yet!
Tammy...
Sometimes, it's BETTER to have a teary ending!
Debi...
Aw, that will go straight to my head, but thank you very much!
Richard... I am just a regular middle aged woman in person too! Silly!
Richard,
Yes we need each other to get through this time in life...;-) Next time I am in Georgia I am going to give you a call.
Ann
Richard- Thanks for entering this in the Holiday Acceptance Contest.....as so many have already said it was very touching. I liked the comment that they didn't need to verbialize it to make it so, but as you said we still like to hear it. Again, a very touching Post, and BTW I love your paintings.
Richard...what a great story. As you may, or may not recall, my Mother's house burned down a few years ago, and with it many, many memories. I have a complete photo record I did of the house, which was a life-saver for my Mom and her insurance claim, since it was about 4,000 sq ft and probably 99% furnished in antique furniture and collectibles!
But when she was cleaning out stuff before the fire, she sent me all the cards I had ever sent them! Now that I read your post, I'm not sure where all that is. I'll have to put that on my to-do list.
Hi Richard - what a treasure you found in that litle shoebox, and your paintings are beautiful. What a gift you gave each year with those lovingly painted cards.
Thank you for entering this post into the holiday acceptance contest.
Ann
Richard, I can certainly relate to your chiildhood. I am one of twelve children. Great touching post. I enjoyed reading about your childhood. You are a fantastic artist. I love the painted cards, I could just feel the winter and cold, but most importantly, the beauty you captured with your brush.
What a touching story. When my Dad passed away I found all the cards I had sent him, like yours tucked neatly away. He never said a word and I would have never guessed he hung on to anything sentimental. Just goes to show you what we Don't know!
Beautifully written Richard. It IS there for the taking...and only we can make it happen :)
Richard~
I am SO grateful for this contest and the opportunity to meet you through it> I LOVED what you wrote...not only the style, but the sentiment...and I LOVED your cards!!! They are treasures. As I read your post, i wanted to ask you if you would PLEASE submit this to Reader's Digest. i think it could help so many people to understand your message...as you say,
"...Acceptance does not require verbalization; it comes from deep within the spirit and allays all of our apprehensions and misgivings. Our gifts must stand on there own merits, and our acceptance is within our own grasp, and is there for the taking!"
Many Blessings
I'm back to say congratulations on thee "honorable mention"! Iloved your post and your painted cards. You should have been a first place winner.
I'm back to say congratulations on the "honorable mention"! Iloved your post and your painted cards. You should have been a first place winner.
I'm back to say congratulations on the "honorable mention"! Iloved your post and your painted cards. You should have been a first place winner.
Richard- Congratulations on placing in the Holiday Acceptance Contest....as I told you before I enjoyed this touching Post. You have so much to offer, and I'm glad you shared it with us.
Congratulations on your winning entry! Have a wonderful Christmas!